We're family here right? I feel comfortable enough with you nerdy girls to open up and tell you about my awkward yet empowering gym experience this evening. As you are already aware, it is now a brand new year. Each of us have a new perspective on what we wish to do with our lives. In my case, I want focus on a new attitude. With a new attitude--a positive one I might add---I also want to focus on taking care of my body. Yes, I obviously want to lose weight. Tons of it. But I also want that endogenous morphine coursing through my body everyday to allow those mood enhancing chemicals to help me conquer and destroy my stinkin' thinkin' and take hold of this positive attitude in 2013.
This morning I decided not to work out because my body was telling me no yet my mind was telling yes. Yes, R. Kelly would disagree and reverse it I suppose, but I'm not trying to 'Bump N Grind' here, I'm just trying to get my work out on. My usual routine is to go home, walk my dog for (just enough for her to do her business) and settle in for the night. There was every reason not to go. I was tired from a long day at work, my muscles were killing me from the day before, and I had a major tension headache. However, I decided NO. I'm gonna get my ass in that gym tonight!
Now as a Black woman I must admit, it's challenging for me to do this and maintain my tresses. I've been guilty of not working out JUST so I can keep my hair in tact. Yes..I know that is a MAJOR NO-NO...but I'm guilty as charged. With so many black women empowered blogs like Black Girls Run and A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss, you would think I would know better, but now I decided the hell with it! I wrapped my hair, pinned up the sides, and wore a wrap cap around my head. I put on my grey sweatpants and my 'Hot Chick' Tweety Bird t-shirt that was three sizes too small which exposed every single love handle as well as my muffin top for all the world to see.
The funny thing was, I could care less. It was the only shirt I had to work out in. I had to do this now, otherwise I would become trapped within a sphere of procrastination and I don't want to live in that bubble anymore. I couldn't have looked any worse. A chubby black girl wearing a pink sneakers, grey sweatpants, a bright yellow Tweety shirt, with a fire engine red colored scarf over her head. I was the perfect example of how NOT to look when going out in public. Unless you just didn't give a damn or wanted to be featured on the website People Of Walmart.
I have a neighborhood gym in the community I live in. There are maybe three other people including myself in my neighborhood that are African American. I was shocked one day when I saw another black girl in the gym on the treadmill and I was so excited to see another girl like me in hood! Tonight however, she wasn't there and here I was walking into those gym doors with my red wrap tied around my head looking like Aunt Jemima ready to serve up some pancakes. Yes, that was my stinkin' thinkin' rearing its ugly head again... and all I could do was ignore the stares from the gym patrons and focus on getting my butt on that treadmill!
Actually I wanted to use the elliptical trainer but there are only two machines and both of them were in use.
So anyway, as the most overweight patron of the gym wearing a yellow Tweety Bird shirt with a red wrap and bright pink sneakers, I made it my mission not to be concerned with how I looked to others, or what they may assume of me based on my appearance. My motive was to spend 30 minutes on that treadmill and maximize the most of my cardio workout that I possibly can. I had my iPod in one hand and my cell phone and keys in the other.
As I reached out to get my iPod and tried to turn it on nothing happened. I found myself walking in slow-mode on the treadmill trying to figure out why my iPod had not turned on. Then it dawned on me, that I forgot to charge it. It was at that moment I was ready to give up. I can't workout without my music! It's impossible! I can't listen to the ambient sounds of men grunting, heavy breathing, and ESPN sports on the TV! Besides, music motivates me to walk/run longer than I anticipated because I like to wait until the song is over before I stop. This was not going to work...time to quit now.
Eureka! I have my cell phone with me! Maybe I can plug my headphones into my smartphone and listen to Pandora radio! Yaay! Crisis averted! I immediately tuned into the Beyonce channel and I was ready to take this workout to the next level.
Let me just add there is nothing better than listening to a Beyonce song while you work out.
I power walked through Upgrade U and Get Me Bodied. Justin Timberlake's Like I Love You came on and I ran through the entire song. Hey that's a big deal for me! Of course as the beat drops and I think it's the end, the song lingers and as it turned out I was listening to the extended radio version.
But I'm grateful and I'm proud that I did it. I decided to let go of the apprehensions of my past and focus on what I want and desire for my future. The key to this task is now consistency. Every year, I choose one word to be the focal point in my life. Coincidentally enough last year my one word was consistency. This year my one word is breakthrough. I'm breaking through the barriers of my past, the barriers of negativity, and the barriers of fear. I've come to terms with who I am, and I will love me for me....curves and all.
Next time I'll prep myself a little better and wear a more color coordinated work out ensemble. Maybe.
Oh yeah, and when I got home and placed my iPod inside of the charger it already had a full battery. The iPod was working all along. Hmmph. The devil is a liar.